8-2-16

Yesterday I had a average, common variety "Moming" bad day. I was up a couple times at night with both kids. I thought I lost a favorite necklace. Kids were being whiny. Molly had to do a time-out at the grocery store. I could feel myself getting all upset and frustrated. I had a moment when I thought, this is a bad day. I am having a bad day...but then I thought, am I really going to let this stuff get to me, after all we've been through? I took a minute, and got myself back the better place I've found, back to letting God be my strength, and seeing the big picture. How easy it is to get caught up in the every day again! Good naps were had, Molly had her first day of swimming and my necklace was found. It was like I was rewarded for catching my mistake, and correcting my mindset. I know I'll have "average" bad days again, but shaking it off is getting much easier, and I am thankful for that. Days like that a year ago would have left me completely frazzled. I am thankful for growth I've done through all of this.

Today now, we've had the best day. Starting off with both kids sleeping past their green-light alarm clocks (best invention ever!) and not getting up until 8!! We had Andrew here, and whenever our little friend Andrew comes over for the the day, they both are excited. And today was no different, Drew was SO excited, all day! He just could hardly contain himself with joy as he rode in the Gator with Andrew, played at the park, rode in the van, sat at the table at school lunch with him...another one of these great days that seem to make me the saddest about what is happening to him, to us. Its the same feelings I had about this time before the first transplant. And this time it seems worse since we know what to expect. We now have seen what is to come, how much he'll have to endure. How can such a happy little guy, so cute and loving, have to suffer so much? I know we have to do this to make him better. I know it's saving his life, and I am grateful. And I know in my heart he'll be rewarded for his suffering some day. I know there is SO much good coming from all of this. I know all the right things to tell myself. But as his mother it breaks my heart it all has to be on his dime. I wish there was another way. I wish we were done. I wish he didn't have to be such a trooper anymore. But I am reminding myself all the kind things and encouraging words you all have shared with me that has helped me so much in the last 6 months. Reminding myself how many people have been touched by Drew, some we may never even meet or know about this side of heaven, and that gives me some comfort. I need to stick to what I told myself when we first brought him back home after his initial 24-day stay. I have a choice. I can be sad and pout about what God is allowing us to go through, or I can make the best of it. I can live each day and enjoy it, because, just like anyone else, we don't know how many days we get. There may be a time to be incredibly sad (God forbid!), but today isn't it. If Drew's smiling and full of joy, then I will strive to be too!

Pictures are of today with Andrew, I didn't take any at the park or as the rode the gator, there wasn't time! But the police car stopped at the park today too, and gave the kids stickers! And Drew found Josh's helmet from his Plant days...


~Heidi