It was a beautiful service today, and I was so touched by all who were able to make it. There is still so much to say, and I'll get to it! But for now I just wanted to post the piece I wrote that was read today at the service:
It will be so different without Drew, so hard to move on without him right by my side each day. But I know that he would want us to be happy. In fact he’s told me before when I’ve cried in front of him, “not sad Mom, happy!”, so I will try to be happy for him. Because that certainly is the way he was.
Born on April Fools day, his due date, we should have known we’d be in for an interesting ride. But as a baby he was so easy. As soon as he started smiling, I think we all can agree, he never stopped. In fact that was my biggest complaint when we was a baby—he smiled too much. Trying to remember him in the first few months, I don’t recall a lot. I’ve decided it’s because he was so content and happy, I didn’t pay as much attention to him as his more vivacious two year old sister! But when he started to walk I found out what “all boy” meant. He only sat still when he was eating or sleeping! Always being on the go, left me exhausted, but that smile could give me energy to follow him to his next great discovery. He figured out the duty of all little brothers, bugging their big sister, quickly. And he was good at it. His first word came later than Molly’s, and was“tractor”, which probably doesn’t surprise anyone. Timeouts were hard to do with him, because he’d always want to skip to the “I love you’s” and kisses part before the infraction was discussed! He loved to push things. Toy shopping carts, lawnmowers, ball poppers, vacuums, and even chairs.
But then he started to slow down. So gradually we didn’t see it. Subtly, he started sitting and playing with toys more. Drew was so good at holding stuff in, tolerating pain, that we didn’t even know what had been brewing for years. Until God decided it was time, time for Drew to begin his work. Our lives changed a lot the last year as cancer officially became a part of it.
Once we started to make Drew better, it was night and day. Drew was back. He really came alive, probably more literally than we know. His words came—and I thought he was the quiet one! And he fit right into his new world, blowing kisses to nurses, playing with other children in the playroom at the hospital, and cooperating with procedures and treatments better than anyone had ever seen in their careers. You could tell when Drew didn’t feel good—it wasn’t Drew. But he could turn around in a matter of hours, and be right back at pushing cars and lawn mowers down the hallway. His joyful soul fought his plagued little body to experience all the fun he could, even in his final days.
And I think that’s what Drew taught us all. Whatever our situation, you can make the best of it. You can choose joy. Drew never felt sorry for himself. Never was he mad at anyone who worked with him—in fact he said “I’m sorry” to the nurses after he’d get sick while they cleaned him up. His “thank you” melted everyone’s heart. Which is, I think, what touched everyone so deeply. He had such a trust of people, a love he tried to give to everyone who he met. No doubt a love directly from Jesus. He was so sweet and happy, it was hard to imagine why God would allow all He did in Drew’s life. But if Drew had been any other way, I don’t think he would have had the impact that he did. And God knew that.
I know Drew was made exactly for the purpose he fulfilled. Drew did everything that was asked of him with a smile on his face, even the hard things. And then, when his job was done, he went back to God. It’s as simple as that. How did we get through this year? because of Jesus, and of Drew. And I have no doubt that’s how we’ll get through now that he’s gone. If you don’t know the power and peace that Jesus can give, I urge you to seek Him out. He won’t disappoint.
When we took Drew home the first time, 28 days after his diagnosis, we knew we had a choice. We could take him home, and pout. Be angry at all we weren’t going to be able to do. At all that was happening to us that we so didn’t deserve. But then we knew if we did that then we’d only be wasting the precious days we had with him. If we had spent the last year upset, or worried, we’d have missed what was right in front of us—our precious son. I am so glad that God lead us to that decision, to embrace each day. Because sitting here today, we can honestly say we have absolutely no regrets. We lived every day with Drew just where we were, and enjoyed it. Even if we didn’t want to, even when it was hard. We had the best moments of our lives this year, mixed in with the worst.
We didn’t say goodbye last week. We said what he says to us whenever we leave, “See you!”. Because of the hope we have in Christ, it really is not good bye. It really is, see you later! And we will. We can’t wait to see him in all the glory he so deserves. We also told him to go play, he was all done. And we are so glad he is, all done with the work that God gave him. God couldn’t have crafted a better little boy to endure, to love others, and to spread joy. We will never be sorry God gave him to us, even if it feels way to short. Drew will always be the best thing that happened to us, and never the worst, cancer and all. Drew accomplished and touched more lives than most of us will in decades of living. And we are so proud of him. In so many ways, we are so proud to be what we always will be—Drew’s mom, dad and sister.
We will miss you Drew, but we will be okay. Because we know you would want us to be. Be Happy, Not sad.
I can't write it enough, thank you all for your support and your continued prayers!
~Heidi
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